Goodbye, full time work...hello, ???? (from Rachel)

OY!!! Finally got this thing published. We are new to this blogging thing. Plus, we've been without reliable cell service for a couple of days so there's been a bit of a delay getting this out (mixed blessing). Please bear with us and if you know Blogspot (or Blogger) well, please get in touch with us because we're having technical problems (read: this blog publisher is glitchy AF).

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming....

I have kind of a short attention span. Said another way, I get energy for something, and if I don’t do it pretty soon thereafter, the energy dissipates. That’s kinda how it was going with the blog this morning but I’m persisting. I finally found a way to write offline on the chromebook, thankfully, since we I’ve had no cell service for a couple of days. For some reason I’m feeling the need to give a disclaimer: Limor has a very distinct writing voice that is beautiful to experience. My entries will have a decidedly different tune so I hope you will not be disappointed! We joked about naming the blog something like “From Ohio to Israel.” For those of you who know us, you know how vastly different we are in how we express ourselves…. :)

Today, I woke up pretty early for me given how things have been going on the road, before 8, and got to catch a gorgeous sunrise out the window by our bed. Limor was already up and had kindly moved to the front of the rig and dropped the curtain between us so I wasn’t disturbed and I could spread out for awhile, alone in our snug sleeping nook. It was a good time for contemplation. It’s been hard to write because I have so many things swirling in the vast space between my ears, and at the same time I want to just turn off my brain and be present in my body, integrated into this gorgeous landscape.

 I’ve been noticing myself naturally settling into “presence” as was taught to me by Ipek Serifsoy and Lara Heller in Women's Leadership Circles. Laying in bed, or sitting next to the lake, my attention goes to the sound of a duck diving underwater, the screw protruding from the ceiling of the van, the snoring of the cat...it’s actually delicious to just allow my attention to be right here in this moment, whatever it holds. I can see now that I’ve been suffering from a type of present moment sensory deprivation for quite some time, and now I’m actually finding myself having a body reaction, like a punch to the gut, when I’m asked to put my attention on something I don’t want to: like doing my taxes, or choosing a sofa for our new house in NC.

After 4 intense years of working at Kaiser Permanente, where my primary job was to think about
people in the Internal Medicine Department and the teams they comprised, my brain is taking a much needed rest. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely loved my work, and it fulfilled a huge need for purpose, but it also took its toll. My personality does afford me the ability to relax...I’m not a workaholic, but, unchecked, that personality structure also drives me to compulsively seek out harmony and cooperation, and to put that perception of peacemaking among others above any other needs I may have. Basically, I have a difficult time paying attention to myself and determining what my actual desires may be.

My beautiful team at Daly City Medicine <3

Overeating, stress, and an allergy to exercise were definitely not helping me lead “my best life.”
Personality aside, I'm sure I’m not alone in this. As part of the working middle class, growing up in
post-war US culture, my parents were not raising me to “follow my dreams” and do whatever I wanted with my life! So, if you’re over 40 I’m guessing you can somewhat relate to what I’m getting at here. However, I do believe, in theory, that it’s actually good to pay attention to what my heart wants, and step one for me was figuring out how to turn down all the noise enough to actually decipher what it was saying to me.

My dear friend and colleague, Dr. Bella Berzin

Leaving my home in CA was a gut wrenching decision that took years to make. My work at KP
was a key factor holding me back from getting on board for a new adventure. I thrive when I’m
thinking about others and using my heart and mind to guide a group, so as a manager in a major
health care organization, I got to use all my power tools. I was a sheep dog dashing in and out of
the herd, cheerleading and cajoling, barking only when necessary...whatever was needed to keep everyone going in the right direction. I was in my element! Now I have almost no one to think about, no group to lead. Sounds like heaven? Maybe...the jury is still out since it’s only been 11 days since we left home. Ask me again in a month or two.

My amazing Chief in DLC, Dr. Joanie Loh

The world's best management team: Wendy, Manny, Larah, Joann and Annabelle

Since so many people are asking…
I don’t think I’m retired, but...
I’m thinking about this period as a self-imposed midlife sabbatical where I am open to whatever the Universe wants to bring my way. My feelers are out. My antennae are up. I am receptive. I am
relaxed and paying attention. I am feeling all the feels and wanting to take it ALL in.

Our most important plan is to not have too much of a plan. We have some broad goals to get to
certain places around certain times (like to southern FL to spend passover with Limor’s mom
in early April). We did a lot of planning and visioning to get to this place, and now we are falling
into the arms of presence to determine our next moves. Ahhhhh.

Yes, we are so blessed to be able to have this time together as a couple, and as individuals, to
explore and connect on so many levels...with nature, with ourselves, with one another, with strangers.

It’s sweet, and at 11 days in, this is just the beginning.